I just made out with a guy for $7.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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