dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
