Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
