Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize