If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
