im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
