a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
