Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize