I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
