I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you made out with another girl for some wings
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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