All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
MIDGETS
????
Can you repeat that, but with context?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
