If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
