I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
