i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
