Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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