No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
