Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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