The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
