omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
