this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
