I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
