last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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