..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
