I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
