I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
organizing the empties. That sober.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize