saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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