today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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