i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize