Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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