My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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