I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
