Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
