Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
