Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
