I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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