That's intense
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
