The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
