she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize