Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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