when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
