Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
