I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
