why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
