I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
