i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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