either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
