Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
