Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
