I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The ass gains better be worth it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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