just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
