I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
