After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
