I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
