I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
