also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
