Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
