I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
