He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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