Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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