Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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