Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize