Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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