He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Never underestimate the power of titties
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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