A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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