i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
