But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
