I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
