if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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