i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
