Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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