I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
